Cabin Fever
by Utofff
Summary: Little to no real plot or stakes, I was just in the mood to write a bottle episode. The Lupins and Snape all survive the war, and get stuck in a house together.
1. Blood

Harry stood facing the doorway of the dingy house at Spinner's End. His sense of urgency in his task was truned to confusion as he looked over his ex potions professor, standing in said doorway. The man had left the hospital wing when no one was looking and somehow apparated himself here. Harry and others had been content to let the man alone despite Poppy Pomfrey's protests, but then that lunatic had shown up and Tonks and Remus had begged Harry to find the potions expert and ask for his help.

When Snape had left he'd still been in the robes Harry had always seen him in; black, professional if not somewhat bat like. He now stood before Harry in muggle sweats and a t-shirt. The man was wearing athletic socks. The cheap kind they sell at Poundland, the kind that Aunt Petunia had bought Harry long ago. His long greasy hair was greasier than ever but also clumped awkwardly on the one side making it look like the man had a pigtail on one side. The blood from his neck wound must have settled there after Harry had left him bleeding on the floor of The Shack. He winced inwardly at that, not his proudest moment. Snape had a bottle of something Harry suspected was alcohol (judging by the smell) in one hand while the other was holding his wand awkwardly as he attempted to pick off the bandage at his neck.

"What the hell do you three want?"

Harry glanced behind him at Ron and Hermione who looked just as lost he now felt, especially after they marched here with such purpose. Harry now realized having three of them show up instead of just one might be a bit overkill but both friends had been by his side since the battle like guard dogs and refused to be called off for anything less than a bathroom break. Harry was starting to get sick of it, theyd have to talk later.

He looked back at Snape and said lamely, "We need help."

Snape rolled his eyes and winced as the bandage he was trying to remove stuck. "There's a corner store with a payphone down five blocks, you can call the police from there. I'm done. Now get off my front step." They didnt move. In spite of himself, Snape asked "How the hell did you even find this place?" Wincing again as part of the bandage let loose he mused, "Unless...?" Realization struck his features and he went to close the door with his bottle hand while Harry lurched forward and braced a hand on the door to keep it open.

"Narcissa Malfoy told us. She told us she was your Secret Keeper. She said if you didn't open the door, to tell you she'd show up next if you didn't listen to us and she'd show up and, and make you." Harry ended his speech lamely. It had not sounded like much of a threat when Mrs. Malfoy had told him in earnest this is what he should say. He was about to try another approach when Snape swore under his breath and opened the door wider and stepped to the side.

"Fine. Get in. Do not touch anything." He seemed to direct this last part directly at Ron who looked offended at whatever Snape was insinuating

After a moment of recovery, Harry squared his shoulders and entered, Hermione following after while Ron lightly grabbed her arm as if to protect her from whatever horrors Snape's home had to offer.

The most horrific thing, was basically the dated décor. Harry wasn't one for opinions on decorating, but he knew this was a home last decorated by an older woman. It oddly reminded him of something Aunt Petunia would have put together if she'd had less money and was 30 years older. Littered about were knick knacks and various pieces of "art" that were both defiantly feminine and stark. Harry noticed a desk with harsh electric lighting, a sofa (where several brown paper bags were taking residence, Harry thought he could see a bag of crisps poking out the top of one), an arm chair and a large cardboard box with a picture of a tv on it.

Snape strode toward the box and started to open it, but not before he downed the remaining contents of the bottle and vanished it. He had given up on the bandage on his neck. Gesturing absently towards the bags told his guests, "Help yourselves, I don't have anymore wine to offer, couldn't carry that much. The man was already suspicious when I said I could carry this." He gestured at the box he now had open and was banishing bits of errant packing peanuts as he spoke.

Ron looked like he was eyeing the crisps but Hermione cut him off, "We don't mean to impose on you for long Headmaster'-" Snape didn't look up scoffed, "HA. Not a headmaster anymore though am I?"

Hermione rubbed her hands and looked uncertain, but continued. "Professor then," Snape seemed to acquiesce to this title as he pulled out a long chord, "We need your help. You see Tonks and Remus," Snape unwrapped the remote from another layer of foam and was inspecting it, Hermione continued even more unsure, "A man came and tried to kidnap their son, Teddy, he said he wanted his blood for potions. Tonks said Bellatrix had said the same thing to her while they were dueling. They both, the man and Bellatrix, both said Teddy's blood would be rare and valuable."

Harry was starting to lose his patience, Snape was being rude and clearly ignoring Hermione in favor of his new muggle gadget. He took over for Hermione with more force in his voice, "Bellatrix told Tonks you had told her the blood was rare and valuable. Said it would be useful in hundreds of different potions. Somehow some maniac potion brewer had the same idea and came to try and take Teddy-'' Harry was cut off by a loud fizzle and thunk. Snape had switched from trying to lift out the television by hand and opted to float it out of the box with magic when it sparked suddenly and thudded back into its packaging. It had luckily only gotten a few inches of air. Snape shrugged and looked at the three of them sizing them up, then snapped his fingers at Ron, "You, Weasley, lift it, over there to the corner." Ron looked lost but still went to follow through on the order. He lifted the large black box up and pivoted to the corner as Snape raised his wand again which caused Hermione to lose it.

Her nerves were already frayed but she didn't think she could handle another explosion and losing her patience, shouted, "Oh for Merlin's sake you can't use magic on it. its electronic, not analog!" Snape seemed unperturbed but looked at her curiously and asked "Do you know how to set this up?"

Hermione was incensed, "A child was almost kidnapped and you're worried about a bloody tv?!" At the same time Harry demanded "Why did you sell out Tonks and Lupin's baby? What had it ever done to you? You knew Bellatrix was after them!"

Ron stood awkwardly straining beneath the weight of the tv waiting further instruction.

"You can use magic on it. I lightened it when I bought it. You just can't use too much magic on it. I've never had anything this big before, I didn't know what the limit was." Snape explained as he waved his wand so a space in the corner was made and gestured Ron to continue his task. Ron gratefully set the tv down in its corner. He had set it backwards not knowing there was a frontwards, and Snape instructed him to turn it as best he could without scratching the floors.

While this business was going on Harry was seething too much to articulate a response and unfortunately Hermione's academic curiosity got the better of her as she asked what Snape had meant about too much magic. Snape started explaining how he had gotten his turntable upstairs to work with a charm when Harry exploded, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL BELLATRIX MY GOD SON'S BLOOD WAS VALUABLE!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BETTER MAN THAN THAT."

Snape finally turned around to look Harry in the face. He took up an imposing stance he'd often held in class when Harry had been unable to answer an overly advanced question sprung on him. The effect was slightly bellied by the man being in stained sweatpants, but Harry still felt a bit cowed by the perfected glare of his old professor.

"Yes Mr. Potter why would I tell Bellatrix Lestrange such a thing? Why would I tell a woman, hell bent on "pruning her family tree" that her great nephew might be more valuable to her alive than dead? Why would I insinuate to her-"

"Ok! I get it!"

"What do you get Mr. Potter?"

"You," Harry sighed, feeling foolish now that he'd had the obvious pointed out to him, "you told Bellatrix he was worth something alive so she wouldn't be as motivated to kill him. Better a kidnapped alive baby than a dead one."

Snape nodded condescendingly as he had so many times during potions class when Harry had answered something insufficient to Snape's standards. He half expected the man to take 10 points from Gryffindor for some perceived slight in his answer.

"No doubt Tonks and her werewolf came to the same conclusion or they would not be willing to seek my help. Very gallant of you to storm over here and demand I 'be a better man' to ensure I assist them. Which now that we are discussing it," He turned to Hermione, done with having to face 'the boy who lived too long, now that he had served his purpose', "What could they possibly need my help for?"

Harry answered before Hermione could, "It was a coincidence really. Narcissa Malfoy was at the house when we answered Tonks Patronus for help. She was the one who got the man tied up after Remus stupefied him. I think she was there trying to appeal to Mrs. Tonks... " Snape's face was impassive, "That's when she mentioned you lying to Bellatrix and her about Teddys blood-"

''I wasn't lying, it's true. That Lupin brat is incredibly rare, I'm confident enough to say one of a kind. I doubt a metamorph and a werewolf have ever even crossed paths before those two decided to copulate, as rare as her kind is. There spawns blood will have a million and one uses in research. Werewolf blood already has magical properties, Lupin supplied me with quite a bit during his stint at Hogwarts." Harry looked disgusted at this, Snape caught it, though he was addressing most of his response to Hermione refusing to meet Harry's eyes. "Tonks was relatively competent at potions, she made it to my NEWT class, she would know. I'm surprised the news got out so fast about the existence of the child."

Hermione answered here, "The Prophets in full swing already, Rita Skeeter somehow wiggled her way out of the debris. News, more rumor's than actual facts, but events about the battle are circulating quickly." Here she gave Snape a nervous look the man couldn't quite read. His first instinct was to try and read her thoughts but he took a deep breath. He wasn't doing that anymore. He wasn't spying, he wasn't looking for subterfuge, it wasn't his business to know what the girl was concerned about. He was going to sit here and watch the telly he'd always been curious about as a child, but could never afford, and eat all the muggle foods he'd been missing from before shit had really hit the fan and Wormtail had come to stay with him in hiding. Spying was for before he'd taken an Unbreakable Vow and looked at one weeping mother and seen a different woman in his mind's eye until their faces bled together.

He tuned back into what Potter was now saying.

"She said this place was under the Fidelius, that it'd be safe. They need somewhere to go, and Kingsley doesn't want to set up anymore Fidelius charms until the dust settles. Remus," Harry swallowed, what he was asking felt personal and like it shouldn't be his business, "Remus also needs Wolfsbane. He's been without it for months, someone's been buying up all the ingredients and they have the baby and he needs to be able to stay sharp. Tonks would brew it but she's still recovering and like I said, there's a shortage…"

"There's not a shortage, I have all of it. I've been cornering the market. Once Lupin's disastrous foray into the werewolf camps went south I started ordering all the ingredients I could. Practically drained my savings before the Dark Lord just gave me a bunch of gold after…after I became Headmaster."

"But why?" Hermione wondered, unable to stop herself.

"Cause I could? I didn't know when you three would decide to show up. Didn't know what Voldemort's next step was regarding the werewolves, if there even was one. Especially with Greyback lurking around getting them all charged up. I thought if it came to the worst and the Dark Lord rose to full power I could brew Wolfsbane and either control the pack with it or maybe use it to kill Fenrir."

"That seems like an odd base to cover." Hermione mused.

Snape had finally gone back to the tv box and was fishing out the last of the wires. "I was covering every base. Dumbledore was gone and he didn't leave me instructions, or even tell me what you three were up to. All I had was that damn portrait that was almost as annoying as he was. I had a lot of time in that office to come up with plans. Now. Granger."

He stared her down from his awkward crouch by the tv box, muggle wiring in hand, "Do you or do you not know how to make this work?"

Harry was in no mood and about to say so, but he heeded the look Hermione gave him that usually meant she had a plan and she needed him to cotton onto it quickly.

Hermione apparently did know how to set up a muggle tv, and was also quite fascinated about the charm that blocked surrounding magic from interfering with it. It was subtle and very delicate and she was extremely excited to try it in her spare time. Hermione also knew how to trim men's hair. She had been cutting Harry and Ron's on the road, getting quite a knack for it. When her ex professor asked in a hushed voice if she could help him (after a hearty swig off a new bottle of something foul smelling) she allowed him to direct her to a kitchen. He sat in a chair with a conjured towel around his shoulders and explained he couldn't seem to magic the blood out and it wouldn't wash either. He also warned her to try not to touch it as it was probably poisonous in various ways after it had mixed with whatever wa sin Nagini's fangs. Hermione used a barbering spell to lop off the chunk on the one side and she and Snape sat in an awkward limbo on what to do next. She knew he could have done that on his own and hadn't asked for her assistance for no reason. Remembering that this man had done some things recently that had helped quite a few people, she took pity on him and offered to trim the sides as long as she was there.

He merely nodded and stared straight ahead looking anywhere but at her. She decided to cut the other side as well and concluded the trim she'd given Harry and Ron was not appropriate for a grown man. Hermione tried to remember what her dad's hair had looked like (trying not to focus too hard on how much she missed him and hoping he was ok). Mr. Granger was a dentist, a respectable muggle occupation. She determined it was equal to the level of Headmaster of a school, magical or not. A few minutes later, Severus Snape stepped out of his kitchen with "the dentist" haircut. He gave Hermione a quiet, but genuine thank you.

Ron in the meantime, had been spending the wait reading over the tv manual, mimicking his father's interest in muggle gadgets, while Harry was perusing a few of the titles on the many book shelves. Snape had spent the awkward few minutes of silence in the kitchen weighing the pros and cons of the request Potter had brought him. Snape shuddered to remember the time in his private home with Wormtail, and doubted he wanted to let another Marauder into his personal space. He hadn't been lying about the Lupin boy's blood's possibilities, nor how much he had drained his own savings...

"Now what do you need Potter? A safe house? For how long?"

Harry explained the details, Snape demanded gold. A lot of gold. Harry said "Done" and that he would arrive with The Lupin's and son as soon as possible.

A/N:Snape 100% went out in his teachers robes and a baseball hat with bloody hair to buy that junk food and TV.


	2. Why's

"Let me see that '' Snape snatched the Prophet from where it was tucked under Tonks elbow. He ignored her protest and saw his own face glowering back at him from the front page. The same one they'd used to announce his appointment as Headmaster, and below it a smaller picture of Lily Potter on her wedding day. Potter was trying to explain himself, "I thought you were dead, you gave me these memories, I thought…" Snape would hear none of it over the sound of the blood rushing in his own head. He barely registered the headline but saw the words "tragic", "hero" and "star-crossed".

A lot had happened in the two hours it had taken Potter to leave and return with the Lupin's in tow.

Narcissa had shown up in all her beautiful glory almost the instant the trio left , slapped him, asked how could he, and that she was probably pregnant and it was probably his.

Severus tried to ask for clarification on what she was mad about but she dramatically just kept saying how dare he and pouting at him. He was wildly attracted to her as he had been since he'd met her at one of Lucius's parties years ago. He thought he loved her, begrudgingly, now that their brief affair had gone on for three years. He didn't think he could put up with her or her theatrics that long if he didn't. Right now in his inebriated and injured state he was swinging wildly between being extremely turned on by her presence and wanting to ban her from his house forever. The latter he couldn't act on because he'd made her the bloody secret keeper. Alternatively, he couldn't act on his warmer feelings toward her because even if he hadn't been physically exhausted, he wasn't sure he could coax her out of this fit she was having over how many dares he dare have.

Severus knew Potter had cleared his name, he figured out as much while at the hospital wing but hadn't heard much else about the specifics of the final battle. He had gone from unconscious in the Shrieking Shack, his last thoughts on Lily and all the regrets there, to a blinding pain in the hospital wing at Hogwarts floating in and out of consciousness. He was just together enough to remember Minerva holding his hand and saying she was so sorry while simultaneously scolding him for not confiding in her. When he had stayed lucid a whole eight hours, Severus deemed himself checked out and tried to put as much distance between him and that wretched castle as he could.

He had figured he would sort everything else out later and felt twinge of guilt that Narcissa hadn't been higher on his list, behind junk food and a tv. He had not gotten any better with women even after Lily and Charity. (Poor Charity, he still felt a vice like grip of guilt and despair when he remembered how he couldn't help her. He'd been bitter about the ending of their loveless tryst, she said he'd been clingy and distant and demanded everything but gave nothing emotionally. Even though she wasnt wrong, it still stung to hear. Severus was not bitter enough however that would wish on her what had happened.)

It was some time after being dumped by Charity and Narcissa coming to him to protect her son that he now found himself, three years later, in this position. Severus had arrived at Malfoy Manor to deliver a message and found the place deserted except for a very bored and boozy Narcissa. He hadn't been in a mood to say no, and she wasn't too boozy not to give a resounding yes. Now, it was three years later and he may or may not be the father of her may or may not baby.

"Narcissa, we haven't even seen each other much in the last few months."

"We've seen just enough of each other."

"Your almost 50, the chances of you conceiving-"

"You half bloods, so ignorant, I cant believe I've set my baby up for this. I am a _pureblood _, I can live to 150, I'm hardly past my prime-"

"I didn't say you were past your prime, you'll always be in your prime, I just meant..." She looked like she wanted to beam at his compliment but she shook herself out of it and made her features stoic. "It doesn't matter anyway. You've made your feelings perfectly clear at Hogwarts."

He racked his brain for what he could have said to her back at the school, he couldn't even remember seeing her.

She rose from her perch on the couch, placed her hand on the back of his head and gave him a single lingering kiss farewell (She must love him back, because he was pretty sure he hadn't had the chance to brush his teeth in several days). She glided to the door, turned dramatically to face him with her hands gripping her perfectly flat stomach. He rolled his eyes as she said calmly declared, "I hope you and your Lily are very happy together.", and left slamming the door behind her.

He was about to argue with the door, that he couldn't be happy with a dead woman when he realized Narcissa wasn't supposed to know about Lily. Nobody was supposed to know about _that _.

He spent the hour between her departure and his new tenants arrival seethed in worry and anger and fear and embarrassment. Desperate for answers but unable to rally himself to move and not knowing who he'd even go to for answers to his questions. Then Harry Fucking Potter had dared show his face again trying to lie his way through his crimes again.

"I honestly don't know how that Skeeter woman got that photo or if she was even there but-"

Snape grabbed the younger man by both shoulders barking, "_Legilimens!_"

Harry felt his mind invaded, there were flashes of the Shrieking Shack, flashes of everything Harry had seen in the Pensieve. Snape lingered on the moment before Harry and Voldemort faced off _there were others, he assured me _and then Snape threw Harry away from him. He was _livid _.

"What is WRONG with you Potter? Why would you DO that? Those were _my _memories, my _PRIVATE _memories! Why the hell did you think they were necessary to bring up in front of the Dark Lord?"

"You gave them to me, you were dying and your face was leaking and I thought-"

"Thought what, that i wanted you to take what you saw and use it to discuss my _love _life with the Dark Lord?"

Harry stammered, embarrassed for both of them, "I was trying to show him how wrong he'd been! How he could be-"

"He could be _what _? _Redeemed _?" Harry had the good grace to look further embarrassed. Snape continued in his scathing tone, "That's just like you isn't it Potter? Thinking you should waste precious time trying to talk down the most soulless man in history? Try to get one more clever word in, instead of just getting the job done!" Snape continued in a mocking voice, " '_Other women _' what the hell does my sex life have to do with the Dark Lords redemption? Why the hell did that have to come up? And why the _hell _would you think I meant to show you _any _of that in the first place?"

Harry was about to interject again that Snape had supposedly been on his deathbed, but Snape wasn't having any of it,

" _Precisely. _I was dying! I should be dead now!"

Lupin made a gesture as if to interject but his wife shushed him. She'd conjured a chair and was watching the show from the doorway beside her husband whi stood awkwardly beside her holding their son.

Snape seemed to be talking more to himself now than anyone else, "I didn't have any control over what I was giving you! I just knew you needed to understand. You needed to know that you had to die! I tried finding you that whole night, I should have just confided in Minerva-"

Harry grasped at the chance to change the subject, "She wants to see you too! McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey. She says you shouldn't have left, you looked pretty rough when you left." Harry noticed how pale his ex professor looked.

"Don't look so great now, either" Tonks conquered.

Snape seemed to only have used the time Harry was speaking to catch his breath so he could continue his tirade.

"Pulling _specific _memories is hard enough when one is lucid, I could barely breathe! I'm shocked I was even able to leak out what I could. I had barely enough control to show you what you needed to see. I was dying, I gave you whatever was at the forefront of my mind at the moment! You could have as easily gotten my grocery list, or a detention slip, or or or-"

Unable to help himself Harry grasped at anything he thought might absolve him, "But those things weren't on your mind were they? You _asked _me to look you in the eye, my _mum's _eyes. My mum was what you thought of last and you loved her and-"

"AND _WHAT_?" Snape roared. Teddy did not appreciate this, and let the small group know by starting to wail. Snape continued over the infants complaints and his parents shushing, "So what if I did? That wasn't anyone's business, it wasn't YOUR business, Potter!"

"It is my business, she was my mum and-"

"She was _my _friend, my _only _friend, I knew her far better than you did-"

"Yeah well, kind of hard to get to know my mum after SHE WAS MURDERED BASED ON INFORMATION YOU GAVE VOLDEMORT."

"YOU HAD NO RIGHT, those were private-"

Teddy gave an almighty shriek as he tried to join the discussion.

Harry kept his voice raised over Teddys wails, but tried to stop himself from screaming, "Well they're not private anymore! I thought you were DEAD! I thought I was honoring your memory! The man who'd just been helping me for years was dead, a man who apparently knew my mum, who knew my aunt... did you know my grandparents?"

Harry suddenly realized he had a thousand questions. He looked at Snape now, who looked out of breath and sweating with the effort of their fight and barely standing. Harry tried to look at him not as the man he thought he'd known for seven years, but as just a man standing before him. Hermione's haircut had taken years off of him, but like Lupin behind them, he looked older than he was. He was in muggle clothes, a baggy black t shirt and sweatpants with a few stains on them. Harry remembered what he'd seen of his father, the brief and unflattering glimpses, who in contrast had always been so full of life and confidence. He tried to put himself in his mother's shoes, Dumbledore had said in the memories that he had much more of Lily in him than James sometimes. Who would he have been friends with then? If he was his mother and knew what he did now about these two young men Lily had known? This man had bullied and berated him for six years, tortured Neville and insulted Hermione every chance he got. But had James acted any differently towards Snape? Harry knew his father was a good person, he knew he had changed. Knew his father wouldn't have stayed as bitter as Snape had, but it was easy not to be bitter when...

As Harry was stewing, Snape had directed Tonks and the crying baby beyond a bookshelf door to a set of stairs where he told her she could find some privacy and give them all a rest from the infants noise.

Lupin had been the one to win the silent eyebrow battle over who would take Teddy and who would stay to keep the peace and Tonks had lost. Or Lupin had, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to see this or not, he was battling over his own feelings at these recent revelations. Lupin tried to sink back into the door frame he'd been occupying and brace himself for whatever came next, should he need to intervene. No amount of time could have sufficiently prepared him when Harry busted out, "You could have been my dad."

Snape looked as horrified as Lupin felt.

"No I bloody well couldn't have. I may have been an idiot, but Lily wasn't." He scoffed, "I was a controlling, obsessive, creep with nothing to my name, vying for a Dark Mark. What was my plan, join a society that was hell bent on eradicating her and everyone like her and then pop the question? Even I wasn't that delusional back then." Snape continued to look at Harry like he was a complete idiot, "I joined the Death Eaters because I wanted to join. Lily knew what I was, I've been a bigot ever since I could remember. My mother made sure of that." His eyes focused on a curio that sat on top of the mantle, the one Bellatrix had fiddle with the afternoon he'd made an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa. He walked the short distance to an old armchair and slumped into it, looking defeated and now more ghostly than human.

Lupin noticed his paler, illuminated under the harsh electric desk lamp in the corner Snape now sat. The man did not look good, they needed to get him to calm down. Lupin was about to press his concerns when Snape, looking up at Hary where he still stood in the middle of the room, continued more quietly than he had all night, "Your mother loved James Potter and they got married and I joined the ranks of the Death Eaters. There are no 'what ifs' Potter. It took me a very long time to realize that. It took me a long time to realize it wasn't love I felt for Lily Evans, but obsession." The fight seemed to come back into him a bit and he sneered, "It wasn't _romantic, _it wasn't _lust_ that kept me going for so long, that's a cheap headline."

He shook The Prophet in his hand at Harry for emphasis. "It was shame. It was the knowledge that I'd _destroyed _the one good thing I'd ever had in my life. See! I even call her a thing. Charity said I always did that with women, always dehumanized them so- " He seemed to catch himself here and paused before continuing more calmly, "I tried to salvage what I could of who Lily really was and what she stood for. Tried to be a little more of the man she had thought I could be. Failing more often than not. So yes, I loved your mother. I'll always love her memory." He paused again, his breathing labored, and spat "But not because of some tawdry reason," Harry continued to stare at Snape, even as the man sighed and closed his eyes, "but because she was my friend and I miss her."

There was a long silence as Harry and Lupin stared at the man in the chair who'd now gone quiet.

POP.

Kreacher appeared at Harry's feet mumbling that Mr. Harry Potter was taking too long and he'd been sent to make sure Mr. Harry Potter was alright. The loud noise jerked the dozing Snape up, who looked at both men bewildered and demanded "Why the fuck are you two in my sitting room?"

Harry looked to Lupin for help.

"Right." Lupin clapped his hands together and took a long stride into the other side of the room. "Medical attention. He shouldn't have ever left Hogwarts. Kreacher," Kreacher started to call Lupin many of the lovely old pet names he'd had for the werewolf during the occupancy at Grimmauld Place. Trying to stay light he smiled mildly, ignoring the creature, "Harry! Do you think you could ask Kreacher to bring us some medical supplies? I'd bring Severus to Poppy but I don't want to move him too far just yet and it's already getting too crowded here to bring her." Snape was continuing to demand why Lupin and Harry were present and _how did they find the place?_ making Lupin suspect the man's recollection of the last few minutes were not presently remembered. Lupin thought it a good idea to take advantage of this, better to deal with an irate Snape than a vulnerable, melancholy one.

"Harry, why don't you return as well," Lupin put up a hand in anticipation of Harry's protests, "It sounds like you're needed, I'm sure Dora and I can set ourselves up just fine. Once our host is feeling better I'll make sure you're informed, but at the moment…" Snape was now asking the room at large why he was alive, _who had the nerve to not let him die?_ "At the moment I think our friend here needs to rest." Snape's head gave a violent loll to the slide after a failed attempt to stand and Lupin rushed to his side, pulled out his wand and muttered something Harry couldn't hear and mobilicorpused Snape's body before he could slump forward and onto the floor. Lupin began to lift Snape's arm over his shoulder to hoist him up and Harry was about to protest more when Snape looked beseechingly at Lupin and asked "Who saved me? I was supposed to die."

Lupin got the man on his feet and awkwardly leveraged him (he had lighted Snape's body with a mobilicorpus but was trying to save him the decency of not being floated about. Lupin had had that done to him too many times for his own comfort and he hated the feeling of being moved around like an infant.) He answered Nsape evenly, "I believe it was Mr. Lucius Malfoy who went back in after Voldemort's departure. Said he got lucky and was able to find some blood replenisher in your pockets and got it into you." Snape started laughing, a sort of high wheezing laugh. Lupin started to work towards the stairs and was wondering how to get the bookshelf-door open when Tonks came thundering down the stairs and opened it on the other side. "Ah bollocks, I just got him down! Did I miss all the good bits? What's so funny?" She noticed Snape who continued to laugh. He smiled at Tonks and exclaimed jubilantly, "Lucius is going to regret that! Once he finds out I've been fucking his wife behind his back for years!"

Lupin turned his head awkwardly over Snape's head which was bowed in laughter, "Time to go Harry, I'll contact you when I can. Send supplies. Please."

Dora was beaming as she reached for Snape's other arm to assist her husband up the stairs. She threw over at Harry, "Looks like I skipped right to the best bits! _Aunt Cissy _, who knew?" (Snape, in response shouted "I did!") "Now, Jaffa Cakes, Harry. And licorice wands, and Remus has got me turned on to muggle breakfast cereals. The sugary the better. Ta!"

With that they took their now passed out charge upstairs and Harry ordered Kreacher to return and tell the others it was done and to gather supplies. Deciding he needed some time to himself to digest what hed just heard apparated to the nearest supermarket.

A/N: This was the scene that really inspired me to write and it ended up being my least favorite. I reread the end of the books and was like "what the fuck Harry, no one needs to know about that?!" It's such an awkward moment. I also don't buy the "virgin martyr" angle people love to tout, for any of these characters! Adults get around!


	3. Setting the Record Straight

It was a few too many _don't touch that's _and _does he ever shut up _'s and _who wants tea? I'm making tea? _'s before peace settled at Spinner's End. Snape and Tonks were currently ensconced in front of the muggle telly passing a box of biscuits back and forth and gossiping about the latest episode of this or that melodrama theyd become obsessed with. Nearby Lupin was trying to tend to his son in a more productive way. He had tried to shame the two for wasting away the hours that they could be doing something productive and refused to join them.

He was ignored.

"Oh, oh, I think she just figured it out! She's gonna go after his arse!" Tonks was saying.

"No, she's going to blame Rosa again, the silly twit." Snape argued back.

Remus couldn't help himself, it was too obvious.

"She's not going to blame Rosa, she's going to _suspect _Rosa and then shoot Marco by accident which will cause Renesme to blame herself for his accidental death when _really _it's divine retribution and Rosa will use the fall out to be with William."

They both turned to him with skeptical looks on their faces, about to argue how dumb that was, munching there biscuits at him, when a tv gun noise went off on the telly.

"Marco, no!"

"How _could _you Renesme!?"

"William! No, it's not what it looks like!"

"Rosa come here!"

"Hold me William!"

It cut to a commercial and they both started back at Remus. He shrugged and went back to trying to teach his son flash cards of colors.

They didn't need to know he'd seen an entire five season's of an American version of the same show.

Around three, Remus handed Teddy over to Snape as he and Dora headed upstairs to try and sleep so they could both recover from Teddy's bad night.

The first time they'd handed off Teddy had not gone so smoothly.

Snape had held Draco once. That was about the extent of his experience with babies. Babies were no longer so foreign to him as they had been during the time he'd not even blinked twice about the fate of baby Harry Potter. But now he had seen much more of the world than he had at twenty and babies felt very much more real to him. He had a healthy respect for them at this point. Not to mention he needed to hedge his bets where Narcissa's dramatic claim was concerned. She was so good at theatrics in the same way he was so good at lying, always have it based on a kernel of truth.

Snape had initially tried to avoid the couple and their brood, locking himself away in his room or flat out ignoring them when moving between rooms. However fue to limited supplies (they had a steady stream of groceries dropped off by Kreacher, but it still never felt like enough) and basic logistics, they had decided early on to share meals. He usually left them the kitchen and retreated to the telly to eat, but the house was small and he couldn helped but notice his guests. They looked about as rough as he did, but at least he was able to put a silencing charm on his door at night to drown out the baby's wails. After the first week of watching the zombified parents struggle _again _to entertain their child into sleep, Snape had bit the bullet and offered to watch him while they nap. Dora was relieved and handed Teddy over readily. Lupin had been more hesitant, but relented at his wife's insistence it'd be fine. What harm could the man do anyway? Snape had taken the baby and the instruction on how to hold him properly and proceeded to stare deeply down at the baby who went silent immediately, freaking out Lupin and Tonks, who asked unbelieving "Did you just _llegilimens _my BABY?!"

Snape shrugged and looked at them, "What? It can't hurt it, my mother did it with me all the time, it runs in my family. I saw Narcissa do it with Draco. Didn't Andromeda try that with you? The Black sisters all had a talent for it." Tonks was outwardly outraged by the suggestion but made a mental note to ask her mother later.

Lupin, curious despite himself asked, "What did you see?" "Nothing much, just odd shapes I'm assuming are you two. One was pink, another was brown. He likes your facial hair, focuses on my nose. He's a baby, I'm assuming they don't have a lot going on."

Tonks looked dubious so Snape made a gesture of surrender with his free hand promising, "I won't do it again." Somehow the incident had reassured Lupin and it was he who drug his wife away. The sleep had been _glorious _.

Now it was routine for Snape to take the baby to give the parents a break. By the time they all got used to a routine and were starting to feel rested after the final battle and Snape's health had recovered, they started itching to hear more news from the outside. Lupin stayed in regular contact with Harry through Patronus, but the boy was steering clear of the house and its owner. First came McGonagall (Snape had had to send several back and forth Patronus's between them at Narcissa insistence, so she could hear in his own voice Minerva was allowed to know his location). He found out later Narcissa had suspected McGonagall was trying to get him to come back to the school and Narcissa knew how much he loathed Hogwarts at this point and didn't trust him not to be swayed by the acting Headmistress. Narcissa wasn't so off the mark on her suspicions. After cooing over Teddy and apologizing to Snape for not trusting him and then scolding him for not trusting her, Minerva did bring up the business of Hogwarts.

There had been significant physical damage but all of that was easily fixable compared to the school's broken reputation. She told him he never officially resigned (he did so then on the spot) and she suspected the public would take kindly to the fact that he would not be returning. "I know you never took to teaching as much as Albus had hoped, but you will always have a home there if you need it. And an occupation. I worry about what you'll do next." Snape was inwardly touched by her concern for him but outwardly scoffed at the idea of returning.

"You know better than anyone else Minerva how horrible of a professor I was. Towards the end there I was doing anything I could to get fired."

"Yes, I remember." Minerva responded tersely. She remembered being outraged at him more times in the last few years then she had been his whole tenure (before Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom had shown up). Her young friend had never been a popular teacher and he wasn't exactly kind to any students but he'd been much less cruel in the beginning. After Potter had shown up, something in him had snapped. He'd first begged Dumbledore to release him or at the very least let him teach Defense (hoping he'd both enjoy it more and that the curse would force him out of service somehow) but Dumbledore refused, preferring to keep Severus under his thumb of control. Minerva was sure after the incident with Miss. Ganger's teeth (for which she had loudly berated Severus behind closed doors) Dumbledore would see sense, but he'd been insistent on keeping Snape at the school. When Minerva had confronted Snape the man refused to be cowed or take responsibility for his cruelty, stating it was Dumbledore's fault at this point. Minerva was much more of the opinion he should be held accountable in some way, but Albus wouldn't be budged and she didn't press the point. The next year Umbridge had been the greater of the evils for both the staff and students. By this point Voldemort had returned and Snape was too busy to escalate anything the same way again (with the exception of anything related to Potter).

Even for all his faults, he was still her colleague and friend of 16 years and was invested in his future.

"So, what will you do next then?", Minerva asked again. Snape eyed the infant she was bouncing on her lap and explained the general plan he and the Lupin's had discussed earlier.

It wasn't a grand plan. They would simply package and patent as many potions as they could before anyone else had a chance, hopefully making it so the boy wasn't seen as useful anymore. They would also rule out as many uses as they could and publish the findings so no one was attempted to try further experiments.

What would happen with these patents and any resulting profits they would produce was still up in the air.

Minerva was skeptical , but kept it to herself. After staying a while longer to discuss her own future and chat with Remus and Tonks further, she took her leave. Minerva was a bit sad she would not have her young friend and coworker back at Hogwarts with her next year, but was mostly relieved. Severus had stirred up enough trouble as it was and she eyed him reproachfully for his latest indiscretion, handing him the mornings Prophet on her way out.

The adults all gathered to look at the front page, while Teddy babbled happily at nothing. On the gossip page Mcgonagall had left the paper open to was a beautiful picture of Narcissa holding her, still bumpless, stomach in front of a grand fireplace looking melancholily off into the distance. The headline read, "Severus Snape is my secret lover and I'm pregnant with his child. Recent divorcee tells all." Skimming the article Snape discerned the following; Lucius was apparently going to Azkaban for his crimes, Narcissa was divorcing him and taking everything. Bracing herself to face the brave new world alone, just her and her sizable alimony.

"Wow, Rita Skeeter really is a hack, look at that headline." Tonks mused reading over the details she could glimpse. Snape sighed and handed it to her, not wanting to read anything else, "No. That's your aunt all over. She wrote the headline and posed the picture herself, I'll bet every galleon on it." The two hadn't had a chance to discuss the "Lily incident" since Narcissa had last stormed out of his house. Her publicly declaring him her "lover" made Severus suspect Narcissa had chosen to forget about the whole incident completely in favor of moving forward with her plans for him.

Later that morning they could hear Draco Malfoy shouting in the general vicinity of the hidden house. Snape wasn't sure how he had even found the neighborhood but he had. Draco was shouting Snape's name loudly, who didn't want his neighbors to notice and came out to confront the boy.

"I don't care about whatever you two get up to, just talk to her and get her the hell away from me. She won't stop sighing and staring off out of windows and asking me if I'll escape to the continent with my baby brother or sister as my ward." Draco only stayed long enough to state his request and promptly left.

As quickly as Draco disappeared, Narcissa appeared, sweeping into the living room with several bundles for Teddy, greeting her niece as if they were old school friends and ignoring Lupin entirely. When Snape made his presence known, Narcissa acted as if it was a shocking coincidence she would happen upon Severus, here of all places, in his own sitting room.

He took her upstairs where she made him wait while she carefully put on her favorite of his LP's (a very moody Stone's album about rich women being spoiled and sad and her completely missing the irony of it.)

She then sat primly on the unkempt bed and asked what did he want to discuss, she was busy.

"Is it mine?"

"I won't be able to give you a _receipt _as it were until much later, but she is yours." He ignored her sarcasm.

"Does it even exist?"

Narcissa continued to rub her almost completely flat stomach and simpered at him, delicate tears forming in her eyes as if on que. "I wouldn't know. Those _thugs _(he assumed she meant The Order) have me on house arrest until after Lucius trial and they are taking their sweet time doing everything by the 'letter of the law'." She said this last bit in a childish mocking voice. "Harry Potter is being quite annoying and pompous about it all, claiming it's for my own good. As if I wasn't a perfectly capable witch!" This made him smile at her appreciatively but as much as he disliked Potter he still asked, "Potter wont let you see a healer? What about Kingsley?" She averted her gaze around to inspect his dingy room, "Narcissa, if The Order won't let you see a healer…"

"They won't let me out to shop where I want! I NEED things Severus! Things for the baby, maternity clothes, toys, new furniture for the nursery."

"But you showed up with an arm full of stuff,"

"Yes, well, those things are fine enough for Teddy but not for _my _baby!" She then proceeded to lament that her Order appointed minder had only allowed her to go to the nearest store and gave her a time limit. Narcissa had refused to go to Saint Mungo's out of protest and told her minder that if the baby died it was on their head. While the poor girl was crying and apologizing, Narcissa had slipped away to pay Severus a visit.

"Now I really must be going, there's so much to do! I have to pack and practically move everything myself, no one has any sympathy for my delicate condition, it's a nightmare! Don't offer to come help me," He wasn't going to, they both knew damn well she could hire movers and use magic, "Potter wants you here until everything blows over and as loathsome as the boy is, I quite agree. Not everyone is buying Potter's story and there are quite a few parent's still out for your blood for letting the Carrow's near their children. Honestly Severus, I knew you hated teaching, but even that was over the line."

He wanted to protest he'd been stuck with the Carrow's, but honestly part of him agreed with her. It was one of the only things he felt the most shame about during his tenure as Headmaster. He had done his best to curb the siblings more horrific ideas but been too preoccupied in his own misery and waiting his own death clock and thinking up contingency plans if Potter failed to do more. Insulting students, berating them, humiliating them, he didn't bat an eye, didn't care. He did draw the line at torture and physical harm, having received enough beatings as a child he didn't feel like doling them out.

"Where are you moving to?" He couldn't picture her anywhere other than descending a grand staircase at Malfoy Manor. He tried placing her in a cottage or flat off Diagon Alley or even here in this hovel and couldn't see it. The thought of her shopping in the local Poundland in one of her elegant gowns did make him smirk.

"London of course!" She was beaming, excited to share her lavish plans with him, "I'm sick to death of the country and I want to be where the action is! Ive found a lovely little town house(Snape doubted it was 'little") It'll put us close to all those muggle things you like so much, like 'crisps' and 'buses'. It'll be convenient for your new shop and I'm sure Draco will want to settle in the city as well but he won't stay with us, no matter how much I try and make him see reason-"

"What shop?" He started shaking his head at her, "I'm not setting up to be in business, I wouldn't know the first thing about running a shop. I wouldn't even have the money to do so, its a moot point. _And, _I don't want to be around _anybody _right now, let alone the population of London. Furthermore, there is no 'us', you're barely divorced and-"

She looked bored and was inspecting her nails when she interrupted him, explaining everything as she would to a house elf, " _Draco _will run the shop, he's always been good with money and I'm sure business isn't all _that_ hard. You can sit in the back and toil over a cauldron and never have to see a single customer if you don't want to!"

She smiled at him, "You can't sit around here all the time watching your muggle telly and eating your muggle foods. You'll get fat!"

He would protest, but then he wasn't wearing these sweatpants entirely voluntarily anymore.

"There is an us, whether you like it or not and I refuse not to be married, a woman of my age unmarried is preposterous, I simply don't want to be married to Lucius anymore. You and I get along perfectly fine, I'll be busy with the baby and you'll be busy with your potions, we'll barely see each other! It's what worked for Lucius and me for so long, it can work for us."

He thought her reasoning on that point was flawed, but wasn't able to articulate an argument as she wrapped up her mapping out of his life for him. Standing and pulling out some real trousers from his closet and a button up, she continued "As far as money, won't you be making a fortune off of the werewolf boy? That's why I sent them here, have you not set up a bargain with them yet?"

There it was. Her insistence on pinning him down, why she was ignoring the "Lily" issue. She was putting her betd on his future success. He was almost flattered she had so much faith in him, or maybe she was making the same offers to some other man.

"What makes you think he'd be worth anything?"

She handed him the clothes and puffed out in exasperation " _You're _the one who said it'd be of value."

"I could have been lying." He took the clothes, she'd been able to sniff out his nicest muggle set.

"But you weren't, you never want to admit it, but I am a far better legilimens than you give me credit for." He did indeed give her credit for it and had told Tonks and Lupin as much, but he wasn't going to let Narcissa know.

She fingered his hair and ruffled it about, trying to make it do whatever it was she wanted, but gave up "I don't hate this, but it is aggresivley muggle of you. Now, get dressed, I don't ever want to see you in those awful flimsy trousers again." She went to take the now ended record off the player as he'd instructed her how to do, an afternoon a long time ago. Narcissa had impeccable dramatic timing, ending her lines right with the song. It was his favorite thing about her. It would have been annoying, if it wasn't entirely and genuinely part of her. He really couldn't wait to finally take her to a muggle film, she would love it.

Narcissa moved back to him and placed her hand on her, again, very bumpless stomach and kissed him goodbye even as he rolled his eyes at her. He suddenly very much did not want her to go, but knew it was impossible for her to stay. The punctuation of the moment would have been ruined if she didn't leave now and she would never stand for a pause to upstage her. She exited stage left out of the door and he proceeded to wrestle himself into normal clothes.

Snape eyed the record Narcissa had favored and turned the sleeve over to read the initials marked in muggle marker at the bottom, "RJL".

He remembered the afternoon back in the Hogwarts teacher's lounge when the initials had first been pointed out to him by Lupin. And how Lupin had then gone back to his own rooms and come back with a Pink Floyd album with a subtle "SS" in the corner, black ink on black printed cardboard.

Lupin had come in while Snape was grading papers and waiting for a meeting with Flitwick to discuss some detention for a Ravenclaw Fillius had deemed too harsh. Snape was using the gramophone in the corner and Lupin asked if he could see the album as it sounded familiar, like one he'd lent out long ago and never gotten back. Snape was too annoyed at trying to decipher sloppy quillmanship to argue or berate Lupin and simply accioed him the sleeve to shut him up. The initials had been discovered during Lupin's inspection of the cover and both men had no answer for its being there. They had even less answers when both reconvened in the staff room, their respective collections and noted several other albums marked with the other man's initials. The similarities between all the marked albums was lost Flitwick entered asking "What are you boys up to?". As often happened when faced with his old professors (who he was not yet used to thinking of as colleagues) Lupin felt younger than he had in years and it clicked in his brain what the albums had in common. They were all favorites of Lily's. When they'd become prefects fifth year they had grown close as she had begrudgingly started to become friendlier towards him, finding common ground in muggle music. Next thing Lupin knew, the two were trading albums so they could sample them over the next school break at home. She had been the one to insist he mark them as she didn't want to jumble them up (she was astute enough to understand Lupin was not rolling in money and these were precious items)

Lupin related this story to adult Snape who blanched. Severus had been the one to first pique Lily's interest in muggle music. He had taken to stealing albums over the previous summer both due to lack of funds and anything else better to do. She had been so excited to listen to all different kinds and the friends spent many a lovely afternoon that summer at the local record shop, Lily purchasing her few selections and Snape refraining from stealing in front of her. He would go back, having pocketed her left behind selections and she decided it best not to press him on where they had come from. The first school break of fifth year Lily came back to Hogwarts armed with a selection of new titles to share. Snape had enjoyed them very much indeed, readily agreeing to trade her with some of his own. She marked them for him with his initials in the corners, and had then apparently shared them with Lupin. Somewhere in the fallout during fifth year, the ramping up of Snape's involvement with the Death Eaters and Lupins worry about how the hell he was going to stay employed, a swap back had been the least of anyone's worries.

in the staff room as adults it was clear to both men that they had not been sampling their friend Lily's music, but rather each other's. Flitwick had long ago left when he was ignored by both men who had decided to avoid discussing their realization. As distraction they set in comparing notes on how they got the things to play despite all of the limitations of magic. Things like the gramophone in the corner or the slide projector in the DADA classroom were analog and the mechanics were actually quite happy to work with magic. It was the more recent electronics that caused real issues. Especially anything with batteries. Snape had recently confiscated a muggleborn's tape player after it caught the boys robes on fire and kept it out of sheer spite (also so he could tinker with it). He didn't tell Lupin this, but did explain the charms he used to block magic from his turntable at home. Lupin had taken the approach of trying to remove all of the mechanics and using a charm, had gotten a record to spin in the air and play, but the sound was never quite right. By the time McGonagall had come in to remind them they both had classes they were responsible for, they had adjusted Lupins air spinning technique. With a modified sonorous charm and the speed of rotation they had perfected the spell, but both agreed the sound was still superior on an actual device of some sort. It would do in a pinch. The disastrous Bogart Snape incident happened the next day and the men were not so ever civil again. Well, Snape wasn't anyway.

Back at Spinners End in the here and now with a war fought and won, Snape decided he'd rather have music than Lupin's attempts at polite conversation and the anticipated millions of questions he knew Tonks would have. While his guests sat watching a black and white film and cooing over Teddy, Severus started making plans in his head. Several trips to float down his crates of records and a collection of cauldrons later, he tossed Narcissas favorite album in the air and using the charm he and Lupin had perfected so that '19th Nervous Breakdown' blared throughtout the room.

The couple gapped at him over the sound of the music and their sons elated cooing.

It was time they set to work.

A/N: I think this makes these boys Eskimo brothers through records?


	4. 19th Nervous Breakdown

The adult occupants of the house had already discussed the way forward, but had neglected to consult Teddy. Even Snape, not being a fan of children, felt hesitant when presented with Teddy's teary eyed face. The first time they'd taken the first sample of blood had been harrowing. Remus held Teddy securely in the crook of his arm, eyes closed while holding Tonks hand in a death grip. Tonks herself looked rather bored as Snape drew first blood off the infant. Infants went through blood tests all the time to make sure they were healthy, he would have been just as poked and prodded in Saint Mungo's and she didn't think the fact that it was Snape doing it and not a healer made any difference. She was confident her ex professor knew his fate would be worse than death if he tried anything funny. Part of the only reason Lupin had allowed Snape to pull the blood from his son was based on his previous experiences with the potions master. Even as many jabs, insults and abuses as Snape had hurled at him during his teaching year, he hadn't used the process of drawing blood from Lupin as an opportunity to express his dislike. Lupin had braced himself for the first session, and his his surprise as best he could when Snape had offered him a slight topical sedative and completed the job professionally and succinctly. Besides the personal experience he knew Snape was an arse, but thought the man above infant torture.

Once they had the sample the telly had been off more often than not (they still watched to make sure they stayed informed on the adventures of Renesmee and her beach bungalow). Snape set Tonks to work assisting him with small tasks as they all agreed Lupin was rubbish at anything potions and he was quite happy with tea and baby duties. They had a number of cauldrons going in the already cramped sitting room and two on the kitchen counter all under magical fires. In the summer with the windows closed the heat was sweltering _. _Lupin kept a cooling tornado around Teddy with some nifty wand work, Tonks made her jean's cutoffs, and Snape would just stare into the fridge every few minutes.

Despite the oppressive heat the first few days of work all three adults were genuinely motivated for the first time in weeks. The house had been a den of loungewear, snacking, and general slothliness. The only thing that Snape had brewed during that time was Wolfsbane, and while it was a difficult potion he had enough practice with it it didn't take long. Being sober long enough to brew it competently had been the hardest part. Now with a goal, Lupin set to work tidying while Snape drank a little less and Tonks tried her hand at her old cardio routines. In between the near constant brewing, conversation became a little easier as they all had new things to discuss other than the plot of the latest soap opera (although it was still a hot topic of conversation).

Over the next several weeks (in which Renesmee had become pregnant with twins, each twin having a different father and Teddy had learned ten more colors to morph his hair) the excitement of their initial discovery's started to wane and cabin fever was setting in. Teddy didn't even bat an eye anymore as they drew small samples from him and Snape had taught Lupin how to do it at this point. They'd had various visits from Narcissa and Harry (Snape would leave the room) bringing them a steady stream of supplies and news. Shakelbot was insisting they hold tight just a little longer. Just because Lupin and Snape were technically instrumental in the success of Harry Potter's victory, the new ministry was still having troubles getting the public to see past some things. One was werewolf scum and the other had been Headmaster to a bunch of tortured first years. There were also several Death Eaters still on the loose out for all three adults' blood, never mind Teddy's. The lunatic potion brewer who had sparked this entire rooming situation had been dealt with. Luckily no new brewers had shown up at The Lupin's little flat, nor Andromeda's house. Harry still kept watchers on both locations.

While this over cautious attitude was frustrating to the occupants of Spinners End, no one protested too loudly. Snape counted each day he had tenants as more of Harry Potter's gold in his own pocket (Lupin was also not a bad cook and it was miles above the fare Snape could have made himself). Lupin was happy for the quiet and the time with his son (the Wolfsbane supply wasn't too shabby either). Tonks was itching to be back at work, but her post baby body was giving her trouble so she was taking advantage of the forced sabbatical to get back to fighting fit. All three would never admit it to themselves but none was mentally ready for real life just yet. So they stayed put, the story being that the best way to keep Teddy safe was to make as many patents on potions as they could and corner the market. The hope was that there wouldn't be any chance of competition even on the shadier side of the market. Lupin had had to put his foot down when Snape suggested they figure out a way to patent the baby himself and Dora had been intrigued by the very idea of patenting a baby before her husband shamed them both explaining how dehumanizing that was. It was a tense afternoon after that for a while but it wasn't the only tension in the house.

Tonks was bored and more than recovered in some ways from her pregnancy, she simply wanted to have sex with her husband without a roomate lurking about. She also refused to do so in Snape's house, no matter how strong the silencing spells. Lupin was feeling cagey with not much else to do except cook and clean and tend Teddy. Snape was getting bored of the more tedious potion brewing now that the interesting discoveries seemed to be waning. (He didn't say anything to his housemates but Teddys blood may be leading them towards an advanced version of Wolfsbane. The mutating properties of a Metamorphs blood being so fused with the cursed blood made it extremely pliable and elastic. That would take years to research and experiment with to come to any conclusions, so he kept it to himself for now. ) Snape was also starting to feel resentful that Tonks and Lupin could be together but he couldn't see Narcissa as often as he liked.

She visited only a handful of times but always to make some declaration of how fabulous this or that charity event she was organizing was going. Same as with the first war Narcissa Black Malfoy had thrown gold at the ministry buying her and her son out of facing time in Azkaban. She begged off any prolonged visits, saying the stuffy air couldn't possibly be good for her skin or the baby (her stomach was still flat as a board).

As summer started to peak all the occupants were starting to wilt. All of them had been in some form of hiding for a year or more before this stint and were getting more than restless. As Narcissa had predicted the telly had lost its pull entirely, Lupin was trying his best to vary meals but everyone was itching for a curry. The potions process was now down to the listing of what potions Teddys blood wouldn't improve, which was vast. They brewed everything from wart remover to Amortentia, marking off how the blood ruined the potion or did nothing. lt was incredibly tedious work, both Snape and Tonks were on autopilot most of the time.

They had exhausted both men's collections of records and refused to introduce anything Tonks was able to produce into the rotation. She had gotten fed up with their moody tastes and had gotten a Weird Sisters album on one of her escapes, but both men refused to let her play it. Tonks had been "sneaking" out in various morphed forms but had felt guilty she couldn't take Teddy with her and didn't do it as much as she could have gotten away with. Both men were envious of her ability to get fresh air as they had to keep the house locked up or risk the air tampering with the brewing. Lupin only went out during full moons to a secured location and then hurried back to recoup. Snape hadn't been out at all because he didn't have an excuse and was used to glowering in his house or dungeons but even he had enjoyed a brisk walk every once in a while.

Just as all three were contemplating how theyd murder Lupin if he asked if anyone wanted tea for the thousandth time, (Lupin was ready to do himself in as well) Snape finished bottling the last potion on the never ending list. Tonks automatically handed him another vial (eyes on the sheep herding competition on the telly she was now invested in) when Snape told her no, that's the last of it. They were done.

Tonks tore her eyes away from the penning portion of the contest and Lupin stopped in his tracks on the way to the tiny kitchen. It was done. They were free.

Tonks was the first to rush to open the windows. She snatched up Teddy and burst into some bars of "Let the Sunshine". Snape organized the copious notes and asked Lupin to put crates on the next shopping list for Kreacher. Lupin sent a patronus to Kingsley.

Harry showed up the next day, surprisingly bringing Draco with him. The Malfoy boy had indeed been setting up shop for a new apothecary space he'd purchased in Diagon Alley. With little fanfare, Draco took the supplies with Snape and Tonks over to the shop. The next stop was to take a sample of everything and have it patented and tested at the ministry (the potions patenting office hadn't needed much recovery, they'd been little affected by Voldemort's regime). Everything was patented under Tonk's name. She had insisted, she was Teddy's mother and Snape hadn't argued (he just wouldn't tell Narcissa). Harry said they'd deal with the public's mistrust and he would post guards outside the Lupin home for a while just as he'd done for Narcissa Black (as she had rebranded herself). Harry and Snape spoke for the first time since their confrontation to make an appointment to meet at Gringotts.

The Lupin's moved out rather smoothly, onky staying an extra night as they aired out there old flat and Aurors checked it for signs of tampering. Snape surprised them all by asking to say goodbye to Teddy, and then Snape was alone in his home at Spinner's End once more. The Lupin's occupation felt like a fading fever dream.

Snape spent one night and day alone, floating through the house, the daytime drama he'd watched with Tonks lost its pull when he didn't have anyone to mock it with. He had to admit Lupin made tea far better than him. He thought about getting pissed and wallowing, but the urge wasnt there as it had been at the beginning of the summer. Snape grabbed his coat and took Narcissa to a muggle film, which she greatly enjoyed. So much so that she went out and bought the biggest screen she could find and every laserdisc available ("They're so much more elegant than those black box tape things, muggles would be fools not to use these!"). He'd spent the evening setting it up for her and it was late enough he agreed to stay the night. After that he just never left back for Spinner's End other than to grab his records and keep the place tidy (Narcissa threatened to burn his old clothes so he didn't bother).

Nine months later Snape left the back of the Diagon Alley shop early, Draco in tow, to meet Narcissa at St. Mungo's maternity ward. She gave birth to a daughter, thankfully blonde and petite like her mother, but with dark eyes indicating she was indeed Snape's. He argued at least two of the three Black sisters had had dark eyes and it proved nothing. He also pointed out how amazing it was her gestation period had lasted a whole year, asking sarcastically if that was a pureblood witch "thing". Narcissa ignored him while she admired him handling the baby with ease. Teddy had been good practice.

A/N: I like to make fun of the UK for thinking it ever gets "hot" there but I tried not to let my personal opion belittle the characters suffering. Weaklings.

Also Narcissa is fantastic and is ABSOLUTELY correct about laser discs.


	5. Tubthumping an epilogue

"So, you see the thumps from the base affect the way the potion brews. Each vibration from the music adds just enough constant agitation in the potion to enhance the strength, duration or shelf life!"

Ted Lupin was explaining his method proudly as his "Uncle Sev" looked dubiously at the cauldron. He was already getting a headache from the muffled whoom whoom of the large speakers. The music had been muted at his request, horrified to hear that Teddy preferred to brew at full volume. Teddy said the sound wasn't as important as the vibrations. They discussed which songs or tempos may be best for which potions. The current selection was a favorite of his mother's from the 90s, she had played it for him in the womb. (This was the chief reason Remus had not allowed Dora to select music of any kind while at Spinners End. He had become absolutely sick of the song and thought to spare their host fromntemptstion to murder.) The teenager led the older man up the stairs from his homes cellar.

Teddy enjoyed the older man's company, much to the chagrin of the majority of his relative's. He could never understand the tenseness that always entered a room when his godfather and uncle shared space, which was rare. Today had not strictly been a social call. He was angling for an internship at M&S's, the apothecary chain Draco Malfoy had pioneered. Snape had since retired from head of research, but still held a seat on the board. He knew what the boy was hinting at, Teddy thought himself incredibly charming and was the darling of his parents and most of their friends. He knew the boy had already been accepted to the program, but wasn't going to tell him. He had hoped his own daughter might apply, and while she received top mark's at Hogwarts in potions class, found the subject did not do anything for her or her complexion.

"Its messy work, Da. Things get under your nails, the humidity is bad for your hair, and the dungeons are always so _dingy._ It's simply too gothic."

(Snape loved the child unconditionally, but refused to fully believe she was his. They shared almost no defining characteristics, it was as if Narcissa had cloned herself. He couldn't even take credit for her marked intelligence because as ridiculous as Narcissa acted, she was much more brilliant than she let on. What they did have in common was making fun of Narcissa endlessly for her theatrics and a perfected eye roll they both gave nearly everything. Narcissa claimed she was the spitting image of her father in these moments, but Snape couldn't see it. The girl also had an innate understanding of all things muggle, despite her mother's best efforts.)

Teddy meanwhile thought Potions were brilliant. Maybe it was the months spent being exposed to potions fumes as a baby or maybe just a natural inclination. Snape suspected it had much more to do with ego. The boy took every opportunity to brag about how it was _his_ blood and _his_ Uncle Sev (Snape hated the name, but gave up by time the boy was five) that had produced the improved Wolfsbane. While the new formula could not cure werewolfism, it rendered the change painless and kept the human's mind. Snape suspected but agreed to not test his theory, that the potion also rendered new bites ineffectual in passing the curse.

The potion was the main reason why the Potions Master and now grown infant, who had once plagued his house, had such regular contact. The boy's blood was a key ingredient and required regular donations. The boy would march proudly into the lab monthly, his arm already proffered and his head held high. His father would be the one to accompany him and it was rather difficult for the men not to keep up with eachothers lives. Years later, Snape still refused to call Remus Lupin his friend and always protested when Teddy referred to him as "Uncle". He was still here in the Lupins home on a Sunday agreeing to have dinner. That didn't mean anything other than he was hungry and needed a break from Narcissa and his daughters incessant bickering.

They reached the kitchen where Severus greeted Tonks who offered him a drink, taking a hearty swig herself after a long day at the Aurors office. Remus was setting the table when Teddy asked Severus if he wanted to see the new morphing trick he could do. Both parents shouted "NO." before Severus could stop his bored "What?".

Teddy grinned madly (the strongest Black trait he had inherited) and proceeded to say "This." in a very innocent tone, except for a slight lilt and a higher pitch. Severus was about to say he didn't get it, searching the boy's face for any physical changes, when Minerva Mcgonagall's voice came out of the teenager and starting scolding him for elbows on the table. Both parents gave an almighty sigh.

"Knock it off, Ted." His mother warned, while Snape laughed when Teddy responded, "That is no way to talk to your elders Nymphadora."

There was murder in her eyes as she explained to Snape (over Teddys Minerva voice schtick, it involved a lot of ginger newt talk) how shed never even thought of morphing her vocal chords before. Having her Metamorph son around to compare notes with, her morphing had improved tenfold. Teddy was also able to benefit from his mother's experience and had surpassed her at the skill beyond where she had been at his age.

She too had been delighted, she explained to Snape, until it had gotten old. Having her old Transfiguration professors voice asking her if she'd seen his clean pants was disconcerting to say the least.

Severus inwardly agreed that would be disturbing but outwardly congratulated Teddy to the dismay of his parents.

Remus tried to come to his wifes rescue, "Its great, we are proud, but it's beyond annoying especially when-"

"Especially when he mimics _you_ ." Teddy finished in his father's voice. Snape thought this was more upsetting than hearing Minerva's voice as the boy was an uncanny look alike for his father. Exceptions being the turquoise hair and lack of facial scars.

Remus finished placing their dinner on the table and pointedly ignored his son. He thought about asking Severus to lay off, but knew it was pointless. The relationship between the two men had indeed improved over the years, but Snape wasn't above a chance to wheedle the Marauder.

"I think it's excellent. If he wasn't busy this summer interning as M&S's (Teddy beamed) he should look into joining you at the Auror office." Now addressing Tonks, a smug smile on his face, "I could see the skill coming in handy for any number of undercover jobs."

"Yes, an excellent idea isn't it, mother?"

The smile slipped off Snape's face hearing his own deep voice coming out of the madly grinning boy.

Remus and Tonks shared a triumphant smirk across the table. "Teddy pass our guest the carrots please."

A baritone answered, "Of course, father."

"Stop that. Stop that right now or I'll tell the board to revoke the internship offer."

"Aunt Cissy won't let you.", Teddy had subtly morphed his nose a bit larger, he found it helped with the resonance.

"I'll let you bleed like a stuck pig next month's withdrawal."

"You won't." Teddy imitated his "Uncles" best glare back at him and passed the carrots to his mother.

That summer Snape came out of retirement to oversee the interns. Teddy finally understood all his godfathers less flattering stories about the ex Potions Professor. He refrained from doing imitations after that and started focusing on mimicking songs. Snape as Teddy started addressing him, didn't complain when he'd sing in a low voice at the lab. He found his favorite song had the right speed for making the galleons of Doxicide Snape had stuck him with just a little more potent.

_You're the kind of person you meet at certain dismal, dull affairs_

_Center of a crowd, talking much too loud, running up and down the stairs_

_Well, it seems to me that you have seen too much in too few years_

_And though you've tried you just can't hide your eyes are edged with tears_

_You better stop, look around_

_Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes_

_Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown_

A/N_: _I had to fight with Narcissa not to name her kid Renesmee, because of course she would. So I left it ambiguous.


End file.
